Wrestling with Responsibility
Accidental Impacts
Those of us who injure or kill others in accidents struggle with complex questions about
responsibility. On one extreme are those who are neither negligent nor reckless but
nonetheless cause damage, as in the case of a driver who cannot stop in time when a
person steps in front of his car. At the other extreme are those who make serious
mistakes, such as driving drunk, neglecting to secure construction equipment or providing
inappropriate medical treatment.
“I torture myself again and again as to how I could do such a thing.” [M., forgot his ten-
month old son in the car, who died of hyperthermia]
I started watching murder shows a lot on television. It made me feel better about myself.
With every intentional murder, I would think, ‘Well at least I’m not as bad as that guy. What I
did was accidental.’” [J., accidentally killed her boyfriend in a car crash]
“Although I clung to the fact that I was not at fault, the accident seemed to confirm
longstanding fears that my desires were untrustworthy, even dangerous. In seeking my
own freedom, I had killed a child. Just as some people are natural healers, I decided I was
naturally destructive.” [Maryann, accidentally killed a child who ran into the road]
Confronting our level of responsibility for the accident is an important step in transforming
trauma to growth. Some of us must commit to important changes, such as sobriety, anger
or impulse control, or giving up certain activities (e.g., a senior citizen may need to give up
driving). When people deny responsibility, change is delayed, and they place themselves
and others at continued risk of future accidents.
At the time of the accident, were you abusing alcohol or drugs? Were you sleep-deprived?
Distracted? Angry? Showing off? Has age, illness or something else slowed your
reactions or reduced your vision or hearing? Make the changes you need to make to
reduce the chances of another accident. Then, you can move on and address other
issues.
On the other hand, some of us blame ourselves even in the absence of any evidence of
negligence or fault. For this group, giving up the illusion of control is so frightening that they
prefer to believe in their own responsibility.
In many cases, the causes of the accident are unclear, the people involved may not
remember what occurred, and witness accounts may conflict. In this situation, CADIs must
learn to accept ambiguity and confusion.
Most CADI’s ask themselves why their accidents had to happen. After my accident, I
wondered why my car had to be at that particular spot at that exact moment a child ran into
the road. Had one of us left just a few seconds earlier or later, or had I driven just a few
miles per hour faster or slower, the accident would never have happened.
Some believe that accidents are God’s will; others believe they are the result of random
forces or simple chance. The beliefs we hold about why accidents occur affect the way we
respond. A popular belief today is that there is no such thing as an accident, and that what
appear to be accidents are manifestations of unconscious wishes. Such beliefs can
increase guilt and shame. They can also deprive people involved in accidents of
compassion from others.
You may want to discuss these or other issues with a counselor, member of the clergy, or
even a good friend. There are no right or wrong answers, but wrestling with these issues
will help you decide how best to move ahead, with integrity and courage.
The Links and Good Books sections of this website offer additional resources that you
may find helpful in sorting out issues of responsibility and control.
